Yes. Invoke the Big Madison Immediately!

by | Oct 23, 2018 | Fiction, Issue Five

Yes the start. That legendary time when all was fresh and simple but—at the same time both solemn and hilarious simultaneously—which like the day rubber got invented by accident and  popped off some overheated iron oven and hit the ground all bouncy bouncy in a way that nothing  no nothing had even been all bouncy bouncy and  hot and  silly and steaming and pure and downy-dirty at the same time; the Ludwig Von B. himself compressed all this pap into the first superball which after it spent a hundred days more or less cooling the Ludwig Von B. himself set about stabbing and yelling and stabbing and yelling stabbing yelling and stabbing all aroundy-round thus circularly but so very indirectly with a  single smooth, spiral, silent slither of a  long defensively wounded hotpatch of a downslide, which at last at last; birthed out the universe’s very first supergeneric Steinway-based piano sonatina which grew through an infinite number of revisions to become the first solid, classic, Beethoven Sonata. The exposition, marked Allegro di molto con brio, is in two-two time in the home key of C minor and features three themes. Ut ut ut ut ut speaking yet Sparky maximally done. To which and up under the Ludwig Von B. himself slapped the first big fat number one. Hoah! But—the next baby’s that in this chapta’ nine we need to buytime to—

Oh! What should we do for jobs yes hey-brillo? Hey-brillo? What hey mah mah sweet? Now dat dere noah handy-han dere eyy? Hey-brillo? Hey dere! Mah sweet?

Well I am trying to tell you is that the intelligence we have suspects that the Anvil-Man Paulstaff and their henchy-men will be trying to spirit in supplies in some manner similar to—

Oh! Que devrions-nous faire pour les emplois oui hey-brillo? Hey-brillo? Qu’est-ce que mah mah sweet? Maintenant, dere noah handy-han dere eyy? Hey-brillo? Hey dere! Mah bonbon?

Hey. Wait. Shut up and listen. What I’m trying to explain is that the defenders are plotting this minute to spirit over the humpin’ ya superhigh hot Himalayas supplies to fill the empty toolboxes of their mechano-staff of two including the Senior Leadership Team Lead spieker herself Vonto Magernonivich and their five or so sillies, recruited from back beyond the Urals outspread in the great sucking landspace of widest and deepest wild Siberninnia-land. So what to do is to what we must which is—

Oh, be butt-whut jingly jangler’s necklace-chain pretty-shaftie—

What! No! What sweet Que Mah should Okay if you insist Bonbon devrions-nous on talking on over and over me dear dere we mah faire the first movement is in sonata form it begins with a slow introductory theme, marked grave. Then I will do the same so; as I was saying, Hey do dere hey-brillo pour hey for eyy les hey-brillo they are planning to restock their supplies, which largely consist of jobs dere emplois an inventory of tools required for field callouts eyy yes oui hey-brillo. Huppo! Appropriate for the season so this seasonal tool-racking must be planned for and you hey-brillo? Are you the new hey-brillo assigned to this sector Charles? Smoothly executed and you can see that is confusing qu’est-ce us what deliberately you are managing a fleet of several hundred HVAC repair men que you hey must mah be mah mah immediately spread out over a three or four state area then mah liquidated sweet liquidated sweet? Their master inventory of tools must be obtained writ large on physical paper to avoid liquidated maintenant prime-liquidation process from being activated, which is able to wipe out our plans just as badly as though they had un-liquidated and re-initiated a previously disabled massive EMP attack which they can easily do if they succeed in dere liquidation which is dat noah a dere stocking dere trucks with state-of-the-art tools and related equipment so great handy-hansie-word we must act quickly quickly we must act to noah don’t your dere suss that, you handy-han? Think so my proto-Ludwig the Beethovenistan-manman, my sweet?


Let’s invoke the big Madison.

Yes, it is time to deploy her.

Read more Fiction | Issue Five

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