Meg – This doesn’t follow your fascinating prompt #4 at all, because I was so taken by the image of each sentence riding its own bus (and Garielle Lutz’s remarks about the intimacy of words in a sentence) that I had to follow it. I’m dying to write an alliterative prose poem, and maybe I’ll manage it later. Loved your readings. – Jackie

Where Are We Going?
for Meg Tuite

Each sentence rode its own bus, all headed for the same destination from different directions, at least that was the plan, but there was always the possibility that a bus would break down, or get lost, or mysteriously change course, the sign over the windshield flipping from Akron to Phoenix or some other city you’ve never even heard of with a decisive click. Or a sentence might look out the steamed up window, rub away the condensation and decide some little town looked pretty good and she might as well get off the bus there because where were they headed after all and who knew what it would be like and whether it was worth arriving there and besides, who was in charge anyway?

The sentence decided she was in charge, of her part of the journey at least, the period, short or long, before the period. So she got off on Main Street in a town called River Junction and went into a diner called Paul’s that had pies in a glass case and a waitress with a nametag that said Pearl. My name’s Regina, the waitress told the sentence, but a waitress with a name like Pearl gets better tips. The sentence had never thought of renaming herself. Already she was learning something by striking out on her own. She didn’t think she’d be missed. Sentences get deleted all the time, even the darlings. She ordered a slice of cherry pie and a cup of coffee and introduced herself to the waitress as Darling. As she sipped her coffee and savored the pie, she wondered how the other sentences were doing and whether she’d be traveling on her own from now on. She was an optimist. She thought she’d meet another sentence and fall in love. He’d call her darling and bring her coffee in bed and they’d produce some little sentences together, who’d eventually produce their own little sentences, and so on.

Or maybe she’d get murdered before any of that happened, often the sad fate of Darlings, had she only known it. Maybe she would have disembarked from the bus anyway, ready to take her fate into her own hands no matter what it turned out to be. A short, but independent clause. Or a fragment destined to remain incomplete. Poor sentence.

While the sentence was scraping flaky bits of pie crust and gooey cherries off the plate with her fork, a word rubbed the condensation off the diner window, watched cheerful pedestrians passing by on the sidewalk of Main Street, and considered making a break for it. She’d never had much in common with the other words in the sentence. In fact she’d always felt like an outsider. She knew adverbs were looked down on. The bell on the door jingled as she slipped furtively out of the diner, but no one seemed to notice. An adjective followed, then another. The sentence looked up as a verb disappeared.

By the time she’d finished her cherry pie, only one word remained, and it was only one letter: I. The sentence felt lightheaded. Was it the two cups of coffee? She considered boarding the bus the next time it stopped in River Junction, but she’d probably be too late to join the other sentences and at this point she wasn’t even a real fragment, much less an independent clause. Could she even stand up and walk out of the diner without a verb?

I slumped on the green bench, relieved to have made it to the bus stop, even though I’d been there for a few hours with no sign of a bus. Would I have to wait until tomorrow? It was starting to get dark. The street was deserted. I picked at a loose splinter of wood on the bench, trying to imagine a future, hoping someone might show up with some answers. Does every sentence need a predicate? How short is too short? Should I have stayed on the bus? We’re at a junction. Where are we going from here?

A shadow loomed and I looked up eagerly.

9 Comments

  1. Jacqueline Doyle

    Inspired by the last sentence of Meg’s prompt: “Roadtrip through an emotion. Do not state the emotion. Let each sentence ride its own bus.”

  2. Meg Tuite

    Hi Jackie! OMG! I am so happy you took this detour. Darling! haha! And of course she might be too late to meet up with the other sentences. “and at this point she wasn’t even a real fragment, much less an independent clause.” I laughed all the way through this brilliant beauty!
    ” She’d never had much in common with the other words in the sentence. In fact she’d always felt like an outsider. She knew adverbs were looked down on. The bell on the door jingled as she slipped furtively out of the diner, but no one seemed to notice. An adjective followed, then another. The sentence looked up as a verb disappeared.” DAMN! I’m sure Garielle would LOVE THIS! And Lidia! You pulled in the ‘outsider’, ‘the misfit’ as adverb. haha!
    My only suggestion: The last line. I know it must have an adverb. Absolutely! But, ‘eagerly’ stood out for me. Any other adverb that might work here? I would read aloud and see how it sounds! And then, send this beauty OUT! IT’s FANTASTIC! LOVE!

  3. Meg Tuite

    How about taking out ‘and’. Shore it out. “A shadow (maybe not ‘loomed’) it’s too cliche for this amazing piece. I know you’ll come up with it.
    LOVE THIS!

  4. Jacqueline Doyle

    Thanks for your comments, Meg! Yes, I hate the last line, and I’m not even sure I need an adverb. (Maybe?) Something ominous, but not cliched. I’ll let it marinate and see if something emerges from the murk. Maybe someone else will have a suggestion?

  5. Robert Vaughan

    Hello Jacqueline, talk about taking the reader on a ride! WOW. I felt the roadtrip, and all of your amazing details helped to set the fantastic pace, the variety of experiences which kept me riveted throughout this. I was laughing my way throughout your piece, loved the humorous tone, whether intended or not. What fun, congratulations on birthing this piece from Meg’s course. YAY!

  6. Faye Rapoport DesPres

    Hi Jacqueline, I echo all of the above comments — clever, fun, a great road trip! I loved “A short, but independent clause” and it kept going from there. Well done, indeed!

  7. Georgiana Nelsen

    Jackie!
    English teachers everywhere could use this fun piece. Love all the subtle nods to grammar and literature. But even more, i love that you had some fun. Great piece!
    G

  8. Sara Comito

    Wow, Jacqueline, if you had any darlings to kill, they were dead before you hit submit. Nothing wasted, not even a crumb of pie crust. Cherry is my favorite. I love the so-relatable images, the clearing away of condensation on the window, the display case full of pies, the bell on the door. And then the POV shift to first person, with a character named I. I – well, love it. I feel like a road trip.

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