your old house
is occupied by
another family
& has been
for years
I run
I pedal
I rollerblade by
& imagine you
laughing with
that high-volume
draw & wheeze
of yours
the time your mom
popped her head in the
window & nearly
scared you half
to death
I remember being
overwhelmed the
first time I watched
you use your vest
a device to help you breathe
designed to keep you alive
I wanted to know
what that felt like
to live as if you
could die tomorrow
you had to
so effortlessly
a learning I
may never know
the house doesn’t
talk the way it used to
anymore
I can only
vaguely make
out images of
large family gatherings
with people whose names
I never had the chance
to learn
they melt & whisk
& settle with memories
of Triscuits & cheese
& making movies in
the backyard with the
neighborhood kids
I can almost see
our first kiss
in my car in the
driveway
& that concert
I sat halfway
through while
you & everyone
else danced
sometimes
I intentionally
run or bike there
just to think about you
sometimes I do it
just to feel
Chad W. Lutz is a speedy, non-binary writer born in Akron, Ohio, in 1986 and raised in the neighboring suburb of Stow. They graduated from Kent State University with their BA in English in 2008 and from Mills College in Oakland, California, with their MFA in Creative Writing in 2018. Their first book, For the Time Being, is currently available through J. New Books.