Victim Complex: A Found Essay

by | Jun 11, 2024 | CNF, Issue Thirty-Nine

I am not perfect[1].

I came of age in the 60s and 70s[2]. I drank beer with my friends[3]. I have assaulted a couch or two[4]. I’ve mistreated people[5]. I showed a woman my dick[6]. I feel terrible[7].

But[8]. I am not a crook[9]. I did not kiss anyone[10]. I did not have sexual relations with that woman[11]. I never had any sexual or physical encounter of any kind[12]. Period[13]. That is the truth[14]. I don’t care what anybody thinks[15].

I am a very private person[16]. Competent and good[17]. Ask the guy in Coney Island[18]. Ask him if he likes me[19].

I’m a father who cares deeply for my children[20]. Not to mention all the money I paid for child support[21].

Guys are going through a terrible crisis right now because of women’s unreasonable demands[22]. I’m a single white male from South Carolina, and I’m told I should shut up[23]. It’s unfair[24]. It is terrifying that at any time, any girl can make up any story about any boy that can neither be proved or disproved, and ruin any boy’s life[25].

You could be somebody that was perfect your entire life and somebody could accuse you of something[26]. What went wrong is this stupid wokeness[27]. It’s so preposterous[28]. It’s outrageous[29]. It’s the single greatest witch-hunt in American history[30].

I’m vulnerable[31]. Constantly at risk[32]. Reeling.[33] I’ve had to rot in loneliness. It’s not fair[34].

I’ve lost my chance to swim in the Olympics[35]. It’s almost illegal to say “Merry Christmas[36].” They’re out there cancelling Dr. Suess[37]. That is a steep price to pay for twenty minutes of action[38].

One might plausibly argue that those with much less access to sex suffer to a similar degree as those with low income[39]. It’s unfair[40]. Women are doing great[41].

I will not be intimidated[42]. I will not shut up[43]. You’re not going to bully us[44].

I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me. But I will punish you all for it[45]. The idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection[46]. I have fantasies every day about smashing [your] skull in with a sledgehammer[47]. I will fuck [your] burnt corpse[48]. It will be named after my mom and I won’t disappoint her[49].

There are so many people, thousands of people who would say great things about me[50]. A friend of mine said, you have to be the most perfect person[51].

I never said I’m a perfect person[52].

I have been remorseful[53]. I have asked for forgiveness[54]. On my raging adversary’s home turf[55].

If I had it to do it over again, I would not do it that way[56].

I’m really trying[57].

I’m totally confused[58].

Lover, why do you leave, on the day I want you for me[59]


[1]   Brett Kavanaugh.

[2]   Harvey Weinstein.

[3]   Brett Kavanaugh.

[4]   Johnny Depp.

[5]   Ryan Adams.

[6]   Louis C.K.

[7]   Dustin Hoffman.

[8]   Louis C.K.

[9]   Richard Nixon.

[10] Junot Dîaz.

[11] Bill Clinton.

[12] Brett Kavanaugh.

[13] Matt Lauer.

[14] Marilyn Manson.

[15] Tucker Carlson.

[16] Matt Lauer.

[17] Brett Kavanaugh.

[18] Harvey Weinstein.

[19] Harvey Weinstein.

[20] Bill O’Reilly.

[21] Woody Allen.

[22] Michael Douglas.

[23] Lindsay Graham.

[24] Donald Trump.

[25] #himtoo meme, author unknown

[26] Donald Trump.

[27] James Carville.

[28] Woody Allen.

[29] Matt Lauer.

[30] Donald Trump.

[31] Bill O’Reilly.

[32] Bill O’Reilly.

[33] Ryan Adams.

[34] Elliott Rodger.

[35] Brock Turner.

[36] Jim Bakker.

[37] Matt Gorman.

[38] Dan Turner.

[39] Robin Hanson.

[40] Donald Trump.

[41] Donald Trump.

[42] Brett Kavanaugh.

[43] Lindsay Graham.

[44] Doug Mastriano.

[45] Elliott Rodger.

[46] Paul Elam.

[47] Marilyn Manson.

[48] Johnny Depp.

[49] Harvey Weinstein.

[50] Harvey Weinstein.

[51] Donald Trump.

[52] Donald Trump.

[53] Louis C.K.

[54] Matt Lauer.

[55] Woody Allen.

[56] Harvey Weinstein.

[57] Ryan Adams.

[58] Harvey Weinstein.

[59] Ryan Adams.

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