Nothing earthshaking here and they need more work, although I think I returned some dignity to the bored typist and well, the dog is okay.

Unreal City,(Dogs, too, in the Wasteland)

death
sighs, short and infrequent

flow up the hill

with a dead sound
I knew,
and stop

that corpse

disturbed

the dog friend
with his nails dig it !

————————————————
A Passing on the Wasteland

at the violet hour, a taxi throbbing
between two
breasts,
brings the
typist home clears her lights
tins

her drying combinations

with one bold stare

she is bored and tired

and
bestows one patronising kiss,

finding the stairs unlit

she turns her automatic hand
beside a public
whining

and a clatter from
fishmen

the walls

inexplicable

with the turning

16 Comments

  1. Robert Vaughan

    HI Koss, love what you have achieved already from the source material (Wasteland!)

    In the first poem, you might take a technique from good old Burroughs, perhaps literally cut the lines individually out, and rearrange them on the page? Just alter the order so to speak? That is always fun.

    I love the power contained in the second poem- the exploration of this ‘violet hour’ and the ‘taxi throbbing/ between two breasts’ is simply stunning! Might consider the line ‘she is bored and tired’ after that taxi image. I almost want a different and surprising word there in replacement. Remember, when we use redaction, you can still go back into the text and alter them (meaning you do not have to leave them completely in T.S. Eliot’s construction!!!)

    You’re already using this technique in your stunning art images, so I know you are more familiar with this than possible some others.

  2. David O'Connor

    Koss, love the minimal, tiny moments and forms and images, feels almost haiku at times, sweet and solid. More!!

  3. Meg Tuite

    Hi Koss,
    “with a dead sound
    I knew,
    and stop
    that corpse”
    “at the violet hour, a taxi throbbing
    between two
    breasts,
    brings the
    typist home clears her lights
    tins”
    absolutely LOVE the movement of this and how cut-up actually makes for a more interesting piece. I agree with Robert on losing the mundane like ‘bored and tired’ and romp this baby up, like only Koss can do! LOVE!!

  4. John Steines

    Hello Koss. Wow, what a great example of erasure for me! I really enjoyed the read, those narrow, short lines, that feel like a cascade – downslope, into some unlit cavern. Unhitched from reality is where it leaves me, and it’s not just the last words that do that to me: ‘his nails dig it !’ then ‘inexplicable with the turning.’ The feeling just grows through each piece and the two compound each other. Fabulous.

    • Koss Just Koss

      Thanks so much, John. Glad you like them. I think “dig it!” needs to be tabbed out into its own space. Lost the spacing in the paste.

  5. Nancy Stohlman

    Oh my gosh, love this image: at the violet hour, a taxi throbbing
    between two
    breasts,

    There is a start-stop traffic feeling to the redaction (feels like a redaction?)–like we are driving down a street at night and we only get to see what is in between the ticking shadows, a sort of live action animation of life. Lovely!

  6. Chelsea Stickle

    “with one bold stare

    she is bored and tired”

    I love it. And, hey, I enjoyed it more than the Wasteland!

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