There’s a Tupperware crisis in this country
And you can make a grocery list of the substances in your body. Name brand Adderall and an SSRI 60 milligrams. Two fat burners because you want to eat a cinnamon roll with your coffee, the one with the orange icing. Creatine after the gym, then marijuana for relaxing the neck, some fancy pants b-vitamins because you want to be smarter, sharper, faster, stronger like an Ok Computer. Then down went the mushroom stems and ginger tea, down down deep inside you where the blackness rests and it can all be all confronted.
This whole time you thought writing about drugs made you a more serious writer, like you made a pact with the devil. Let his lettuce, his fungus, his hard candy give me divine wisdom.
You and your partner have been over feeding the dog. Or just your partner. You snuggle your face into her stomach when stress is getting its best of you and call it “selfcare.” She takes it in like a sponge and she’s gained 4 pounds since her last vet visit. Your partner jokes that your dog is a bear. This is her hibernating.
You’re leaving Chicago and moving to New York, where you’ll trade a drill for a roll of electrical tap and wire strippers. You’ll run electric in homes new and old. Along the way, you’re told, there will be a customer who collects toasters, big ones, small ones, ones with president’s faces plastered on them that melt when they get too hot. But the toast is good.
You read a play recently in which the main character steals toasters from suburban households and you vow to never have a microwave because deep down you might be an antivaxxer, but this is a part of you that you never want to dig into. You wonder what your partner might do. So you tell her you had a dream last night about toasters. They were nesting dolls and they never ended and you woke up sweaty and panting like a spent dog.
You fall in and out of love with yourself. Say it’s from the heart. Just stick your face into your dog’s belly, she’ll take it all and let it in more and more and not ask for much herself.