The Waning Light

by | Dec 27, 2020 | December 2020 Writing | 8 comments

Weariness is grey smoke

choking on snakeskins of youth.

Deflated heart,

once ripe as the harvest moon.

Loved on, tended.

Blessed in stone cathedrals

with silky stone floors

and barren pews.

Muffled eyes peer in space.

Time is a tinkered thought.

Lacey snowflakes bury our hands

grasping for air.

 

 

 

 

8 Comments

  1. Rogan

    Christine, this pops. The in the title brings such burden with it. I kind of like, “Waning Light.” Great opening metaphor. The second line is more obtuse and I wonder if it undercuts your opening. It’s difficult to pull of heart in a poem but I like it here. “Loved on, tended” operates like a turn and I love it. Time is tinkered thought feels throwaway to me, though I love the alliteration. The poem does need some grounding of some kind I think or put another way, a little way in to have some specific sense of stakes. The final two lines read like personification and the snowflakes grasping for air, though I deeply suspect that’s not what you mean. I know I’m dinging this up a little bit but the foundation is here for a great poem.

  2. John Steines

    I feel such melancholy reading this. I find it quite beautiful in how it speaks truths. ‘snakeskins of youth’ – how we can change/morph radically. ‘Blessed in stone cathedrals’ reminds me of a wedding event – one too many…. I Iike the brevity of this, and in that brevity – complexity. Love it.

  3. jennifer vanderheyden

    This is beautiful, Christine, and I’m so glad to see your poetry. Those first two lines are amazing! I agree that “Waning Light” sounds more poetic as the title. I, too, feel the melancholy, and I love the images.I was taken out of it with the line beginning with “muffled eyes”…I agree with Rogan that it could use some tweaking to ground it…also agree that it can turn into a great piece! Thank you!

  4. David O'Connor

    Beautiful, ethereal, like watching sweet clouds drift past with all the time in the world, thank you!!

  5. Sara Comito

    Such a dreamlike quality, and it has a lacy structure that would allow for some interesting stretching or condensing in parts. Some of the phrases are short and limited by punctuation but could be extended and merged with other lines. Also, what does blessings (or a drop of the heart’s blood) sound like against stone cathedral walls and floors? What deflated that heart and brought it these halls? There is sacrament here. I long to be a disciple to the journey that led you and all of us here. Thanks!

  6. Martha Jackson Kaplan

    Christine, I love the title and the way this poem moves its way through time. However, the title “Waning Light” seems to fight with the first two lines, perhaps not the weariness, but the image of the choking on the snakeskin was a shift in mood away from the weariness of time which seems strongly thematic. Lovely draft.

  7. Suzanne van de Velde

    Christine, I agree about the melancholy. And the reflective sensibility – so appropriate for end-of-year musings – comes across so strongly. I really like how the diminishments (of age? lack of love?) are shown in the different ideas of breath – choking on snakeskins, a deflated heart. Would welcome more of this.

    “Time is a tinkered thought” is brilliant. It made me think of the nomadic tinkers in Europe (gypsies), who accept only their own definitions and judgments. Only their own tribe’s ‘tinkerings’ matter.

    Thanks for your fellowship and thoughtful comments, Jennifer….

  8. Robert Vaughan

    Christine, your work always astounds and stuns me. This is no exception! Love the brevity of the lines and the pop of images, and has been already mentioned, this seems like such a perfect time to read this- the melancholy of the holidays with their false cheer, and the backdrop of the pandemic.

    The Tinkered line made me think of John Le Carre’s Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (he passed away recently).

    I love the diversity of takeaways from your pieces. Always such a variety of interpretations and musings.

    Hope your New Year is filled with goodness and light. XOXO Robert

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