[I took a stab at combining the “First Person Who Is Not Us” point of view, speaking to “you,” with a found form, but I plan to scrap it. Maybe I’ll come up with something decent later because there were so many great suggestions!]
So Long, Suzy Homemaker
First of all, I’m sorry. I got carried away, especially when the doll came out.
“The doll and toys typified the American suburban housewife, representing a domestic ideal to girls in an era when most women were still homemakers after marriage.”
They were so complimentary about how I could be a “role model,” and I let the whole thing got out of hand. But it was the 60s, after all, and who knew I’d be the final carryover from Cleaver and Reed? If I’d known you were going to rise up and fashion yourselves after Steinem and Huxtable, I wouldn’t have invested so much of myself in that spectacular line of appliances.
“The collection included miniature working versions of household equipment that helped girls practice homemaking skills. If a girl was lucky enough to collect them all she might have owned a Budget Blender, Deluxe Grill, Dishwasher-Sink, Hair Dryer, High Speed Mixer, Ice Cream Maker, Ice Delight Maker, Jet Spray Iron, Juicer, Popcorn Popper, Refrigerator, Super Oven, Soda Fountain, Taffy Puller, and Washing Machine. The line also included a girl-sized vanity.”
Okay, I see how the Taffy Puller might have been overkill, but I thought I was doing your future selves a favor.
“With Suzy Homemaker accessories, every little girl could learn to entertain, wash dishes, clean house, launder, iron, bake… and always look lovely.”
Kinda makes me gag now.
“’Suzy Homemaker’ eventually became an insult directed at women judged as excessively domestic. It was used in this context by feminists to refer to any woman who embodied conventional social expectations without questioning them.”
That seemed a little harsh at first, but I get it. Now I know who should model herself after whom.