Rewrite “Melting Ice”

by | Jan 12, 2021 | January 2021 Writing | 3 comments

Melting Ice

You sit five feet across from your murderess. Your intestines gnarled by decades of emotional constipation bend you chest to knees. At first blush, your asymmetric physiognomy suggests prior stroke. But she clearly knows you have disconnected one side of your brain from the rest of your body: ignorance of its existence retarding holistic development. Plainly put, the diminished left side of your body, its failure to thrive, visually represents the denial of your right hemisphere.

Her rhythmic breathing haunts as she waits patiently for a crack to occur. A fissure. A chasm, no matter how narrow will suffice, allowing her words to slip through and sprout roots, enveloping the entirety of your heart complex with a tenacity you will be impotent to defeat. Knowing the roots will never leave once they grab hold, you refuse to breathe. Futile perhaps, but you believe you owe this much to the delusions that have befriended you and guided you this far.

A small noise. A knuckle popping?

“A person can only experience joy to the degree they are willing to experience pain,” she says. Her furnace-fired words drip slip from the ice floe protecting heart from brain.

“It’s not like you can reject pain, but accept joy,” she adds, sitting wrapped in a calm you covet. She knows the adage that the person who speaks first loses.

More dripping. More slipping.

Curiosity defies you, “Oh?” you question, becoming both destroyer and savior.

 

3 Comments

  1. Meg Tuite

    Dear Connie!!
    This is outstanding! Excellent re-write. nothing extraneous, tight, and powerful! LOVE IT!!
    I say, send it out!
    Congratulations! It’s a beauty. LOVE!!

  2. John Steines

    Ooo, Connie, this is so rich. The tension and the vulnerability really get to me. This ‘murderess’ – who is she, a real person in the life of the narrator or an ultimate angel of death? I feel myself leaning forward toward the screen trying to see into what is unwritten – the proverbial ‘you have me sitting on the edge of my seat’. Then your description of someone with some sort of neuro impairment, and the vulnerability level rises astronomically. How can someone so afflicted effectively respond to an able (assumed) bodied individual bent of ‘termination’. OF course, I still know all but nothing of the source. This reads as the big pivot: “It’s not like you can reject pain, but accept joy,” she adds, sitting wrapped in a calm you covet. She knows the adage that the person who speaks first loses.’ To then wrap that into a simple: ‘Oh?’ is grand. For me it is that simple, challenging questioning of the actor, thought, demon that causes that impetus to dissipate. I really enjoyed this. Check this in the first sentence: ‘bend you(r?) chest to knees’. Beautiful work.

  3. Sara Comito

    Connie, this has all the tension of a shadowy cold war interrogation room, or perhaps a BDSM dungeon? I think “murderess” brought me more in mind of the latter. I picture the whole thing as an HR Giger animation, especially the anatomical description and words like “heart complex.” I wonder if you might dispense with phrases such as “At first blush” and “Plainly put.” Are they necessary, or could they interrupt the immediacy of the standoff? It’s a lovely nightmare!

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