(this is a redaction piece)
I have a big DECEPTICON.
Most ANIMAL RITUAL goes into it.
Destroyer god with one thousand INTERCHANGABLE PENISES
and center of SNAILS.
Gigantic traumatic TRANSFORMER.
I’m sure glad I’m not trying to pass through airport security
with this big ACTION FIGURE.
Those of you who also have ACTION FIGURES
may call them NECESSARY
but you are misusing the word.
I suppose I could run after OPTIMUS PRIME if I had to,
I could probably do some SELF CONFIGURING if I must,
but having a big ACTION FIGURE
makes you feel like there’s not much else for you to do
except PLAY WITH the big ACTION FIGURE!
The PLOTS of which vary from
the DESTRUCTION of civilization (figurative)
to intercourse (literal) with the harmonic half of CYBERTRONIAN SISTERS.
In the middle is MEGATRON’S oeuvre
excluding the BRIEF BAPTISMAL period.
Also it must be admitted
some pretty messed-up behavior
which is the foundation of many video games
society WON’T be alarmed about
but I submit TO the result
of the suppression of the ACTION FIGURE’S beauteous expression
by the UNENLIGHTENED
than any specifically ADULT PROPRIETIES.
Indeed, an ACTION FIGURE, if not usually a sign of VIRILITY,
neither is it necessarily an indication of PASTEL rage.
Some MAMMALS have bigger ACTION FIGURES than I after all.
So if you want to campaign against RORSCHACH testing on laboratory
CHIMPS,
don’t ask a big MEGATRON.
But knocking down GRAZING COW? You bet!
Maybe there’s a CONCRETE PASTURE out there worth a look-see.
Hey, there’s AN ACTION FIGURE in a tree.
GLADIATOR TRAINING had prepared this PLASTIC visitor
for its ENVIRONMENTALLY INAPPROPRIATE activity
By installing gaskets and cushions and hammocks in its PELVIS
to avoid SOCIETAL damage.
Wow, look at that ACTION FIGURE go!
A divine providence FAILS us all.