Two people (40%), sex (30-10%, the percentage decreases over time due to natural weight-gain), friendship (10-30%, the percentage increases over time due to natural weight-gain), same location (10%, can be replaced by phone or webcam, but only for limited amounts of time), shared passions (5%), laughter (5%), complicity (2%).
May contain traces of previous relationships.
Limit the amount of nagging. Do not exceed contact with in-laws. Do not overexpose to sports on television. Practicing sports together, on the contrary, may increase shelf-life (see Storage).
Store in a cool place, avoiding extreme weather which might irritate one of the components if not both; lengthy exposure to the sun may also irritate at least one component; freshen up regularly, removing mouldy or dusty conversations by finding new, common interests; hydrate frequently with
small, medium, large amounts of alcohol, and practice moderate physical activity.
Keeping the toilet seat down has also shown to increase shelf-life.
Warm up when necessary with sexy lingerie, romantic jazz (not too experimental), sunset-viewing, sparkling wine (the expensive kind, not the cheap bubbles), flowers (pay attention to meaning and check for typos on the card).
Do not reheat twice.
Suitable for freezing for short periods of time; if so, both components need to be aware of the process.
Do not recycle any part once spoilt.
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Slawka G. Scarso has published several books on wine and works as a copywriter and translator. Her short fiction has appeared in Mslexia, Ellipsis Zine, Streetcake Magazine and Spelk among others. She lives between Rome and Geneva with her husband and her dog, Tessa. She tweets as @nanopausa. More of her words on www.nanopausa.com.