Maybe if I dress better, in swank pant suits. Maybe if I style my hair differently. Maybe if I cut it shorter, so it looks tamed. Maybe if I wear it longer, so it looks feminine. Maybe if I wear makeup. Maybe if I get Botox. Maybe if I wear high heels. Maybe if I wear skirts and show off my legs. Maybe if I pierce my tongue, try to look hip, intimidating. Maybe if I bite my tongue. Maybe if I get a tattoo. Maybe if I only let it show a little bit, beneath a silk blouse. Maybe if I am more alluring. Maybe if I expose my bare shoulder. Maybe if I give ‘em the cold shoulder, play hard to get. Maybe if I cry on his shoulder. Maybe if I smile more. Maybe if I laugh good naturedly at the comments about my ass. Maybe if I let it slide. Maybe if I act like it’s normal. Maybe if I bring homemade cookies to the meeting. Maybe if I get bigger breasts. Maybe if I compliment his shirt and tie. Maybe if I never talk about my children, show that I am all business, one-hundred-percent professional. Maybe if I talk about my children, show I’m a good mom, relatable. Maybe if I never have children. Maybe if I never admit to having a headache or cramps. Maybe if I never take a sick day. Maybe if I lose five pounds. Maybe if I work longer hours. Maybe if I get a new perfume. Maybe if I take more credit for my work. Maybe if I let him take credit for my work. Maybe if I don’t rock the boat. Maybe if I wear barrettes. Maybe if I don’t. Maybe if I’m a team player. Maybe if I’m exceptional, a leader. Maybe if I’m always punctual and prepared. Maybe if I act casual and spontaneous. Maybe if I am demure. Maybe if I smoke. Maybe if I tell a dirty joke. Maybe if I don’t complain. Maybe if I negotiate harder. Maybe if I’m not too demanding. Maybe if I drink scotch instead of wine. Maybe if I take them out for a few beers. Maybe if I start watching baseball. Maybe if I’m one-hundred-and-ten percent professional. Maybe if I dye my hair, look younger. Maybe if I am more assertive. Maybe if I prove my competence. . .again. Maybe if I am less assertive. Maybe if I act like I need assistance, like I don’t understand. Maybe if I manicure my nails. Maybe if I whiten my teeth. Maybe if I drive a sports car. Maybe if I know more. Maybe if I excel. Maybe if I step forward. Maybe if I hold back. Maybe if I don’t say what I know, don’t show off, don’t surpass them. Maybe if I speak more calmly. Maybe if I am more enthusiastic. Maybe if I listen more. Maybe if I make everything into a question? Maybe if I ally myself with other women. Maybe if I show my outrage. Maybe if I ally myself with them. Maybe if I never let them see me sweat. Maybe if I say yes. Maybe if I say no. Maybe if I don’t say anything.
Brook J. Sadler, Ph.D. is a poet, writer, and professor of philosophy. Her writing can be found in diverse publications, including Radical Philosophy Review, Journal of Social Philosophy, Ms. Magazine, Pleiades, Tampa Review, The Boiler Journal, Cortland Review, South Florida Poetry Journal, South Writ Large, and Calyx.