I’m Right Here
Wait, Jesus, have you been crying?
(…)
It’s not even 7 a.m., for Christ’s sake.
(…)
You better not fucking kill yourself.
(…)
Look at me! If you love me, you won’t. Think of the kids. They care.
(…)
Why can’t you just talk to me about it?
(…)
Okay, so, I’m just going to say this out loud because, well, it’s been rolling around in my head. Have you ever thought you could be misremembering your whole childhood? That maybe it wasn’t actually that awful?
(…)
And even if it was, I mean, people have survived worse. The Holocaust. Slavery. 9/11.
(…)
You know what I think? I think you just like to wallow. Misery is, like, the cheap trick you never had, but paid too much for.
(…)
Yeah, it’s pretty obvious now—torment is the whore you really want to fuck.
(…)
For Fuck’s sake, I can’t help you if all you do is sit there with cartoon balloon thoughts in your head, saying nothing.
(…)
You know what? Fuck you. You’re fucking selfish, you know that? You have no idea how much this rips me apart.
(…)
I’m done. I’m getting a hotel. I’m not kidding this time.
(…)
What? You can’t even nod, or something?
(…)
Nothing? Really? Great. Just fucking G R E A T. What a pity grab you are.
(…)
Okay, then…I’m going.
(…)
There are meatballs in the fridge. Push the Heat Sensor button.
(…)
You need to eat something. You look like a fucking scarecrow.
(…)
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck you!
(…)
I‘m going now. I mean it this time.
(…)
GODDAMN YOU.
(…)
You used to love me. You used to make me laugh. Now all you do is make me miserable.
(…)
Oh, Fuck it all. Kiss me. Please? Just one kiss. Then I’m gone.
(…)
Can you at least look at me? I’m right here.
(…)
That’s better.
(…)
Babe, it’ll be okay. I promise.
(…)
It’ll be all right. It will.
Len tell me what you want readers to know about this exchange. Fraught with frustration and the kind of back and forth that can occur when folks have a complicated (toxic?)relationship…what do you want readers to know or feel here? Thank you for writing this.
Len, this is brilliant. Thanks for brightening my Sunday in your dark, succinct way.
Hi Len,
‘torment is the whore you really want to fuck” It feels like an inner voice challenging the narrator. Brutally intense, but always the mastery of words. MWAH!
I hear this as a kid might-overheard, confused by insane codependent parents. Awesome capture of toxicity and all it holds prisoner.
HI Len, a perfect read for Sunday morning! I admit I was somewhat confused, or perhaps startled. But then, sometimes when we have access to a seeming one-sided interaction (or possibly inner voice?) then it can be jarring. A mastery, of sorts.
I suspect jarring and frustration are just what you want us to feel as reader, Len…in the same space as the speaker! And then compassion at the end. So clever.
Very powerful in its spare exchanges. It really feels very true in how people argue and just are so willing to take each other down without considering there is any consequence to what they say in anger. Beautiful in language and haunting.