Hmm, my mother murmured, what about your face?

by | Uncanny Details - Day 2

WTF? I said fast pace, like a racehorse. Don’t you ever listen? I was falling, and the horse raced on, and on into the sharp branch, right through its heart. Down, down. me, and the terrible twisting, just as snow began to fall. There was no hiding, and we had taken the horse out without permission.

5 Comments

  1. Alina Stefanescu

    I love the title of this, and how it sets up the conflict from the start Martha!

    And the “I said fast pace, like a racehorse.” Perfect sonics and syntax here.

    I also love how the multiplicity of images and objects evoked by the branch here: “the horse raced on, and on into the sharp branch, right through its heart.” I heard it as a river or creek branch and then saw it as a tree limb through the heart.

    “There was no hiding, and we had taken the horse out without permission.” I love this ending as well. I did pause for a minute at the “out without” and wondered if there might not be another way to say it? Maybe something like “we had taken out the horse without permission” to create a sort of triangle with the horse in the center and the “outs” around it?

    Thank you for sharing your lovely work with me!

    • Lisa Alletson

      I held my breath reading this. It jumped me straight back into a beautiful afternoon, exercising a ex-racehorse when I was 14, and the horse took the bit and ran beneath the low hanging branches. This could have happened so easily. Instead I fell off when he stopped suddenly at a high wall, and I was hospitalized. So yes, I felt every inch of this. My heart is still racing. Makes me think of all we do without permission when it loses control. Fantastic, urgent writing.

    • Lisa Alletson

      Hi Martha. Reposting as I put it in the wrong place.

      I held my breath reading this. It jumped me straight back into a beautiful afternoon, exercising a ex-racehorse when I was 14, and the horse took the bit and ran beneath the low hanging branches. This could have happened so easily. Instead I fell off when he stopped suddenly at a high wall, and I was hospitalized. So yes, I felt every inch of this. My heart is still racing. Makes me think of all we do without permission when it loses control. Fantastic, urgent writing.

  2. Len Kuntz

    Hi Martha,

    I love so much about this–it’s tautness, the quirk and mystery of it, and especially the way you capture a sense of rushing with the structure you’ve adopted, thereby mirroring “fast pace” and the horse. Really clever and inventive. Love it.
    It was fun playing with you this weekend.

Submit a Comment

Pin It on Pinterest