Tony said, “I used to work in Florida insulating attics. It gets up to 190 degrees in there.”
Derek said, “Not that hot. A human body cooks under those conditions.” Derek doubts everything everyone says. It’s something we’re working on. Tony is a liar though, I think.
Tony said, “We’d go in that heat for two or three hours and work.” We all miss the heat. Control surrendered, becoming only your body.
It’s November now but we still take the patients for two walks outside every day. Along the driveway of the old folk’s home next door, through the grass around the tennis courts, down the stairs carved into the ravine, into the park, onto the wooden path across the pond.
Tony said, “We’d drive around to wherever new developments were going up and just fucking stuff attics. All afternoon. Go out to the bar after. And I liked picking up pussy.” Derek laughed.
Derek seems like a real hick to me. He’s not charismatic like Tony. Tony was in treatment two months ago and left after three days. I tried to convince him to stay, talking to him while he smoked on the porch, this time present, this past time left, back again, returned this time different.
Tony said, “I had a girlfriend, but when I was working a job outside town, I’d pick up other girls.” He’s slicking back his black hair now. “I went out to the bar one night after we worked a development a couple towns over. I was getting fucked up and talking to this girl and we left together. I told her we should go to her place because I didn’t want my girlfriend finding some stray hair on the pillow.”
There’s a difference between submission and surrender.
Tony said, “And we get back to her place and I was like this place looks familiar. It’s one of these condos I’ve been insulating. But I was pretty fucked up almost all the time back then and a lot of condos in Florida look similar.”
One happens once, one happens always.
Tony said, “We’re fucking in her room and then we go out to the living room to watch TV. And we hear someone else coming in. The girl I just fucked says, ‘Don’t worry it’s only my roommate.’ Then this other girl walks in. And it’s my girlfriend. I’d just fucked my girlfriend’s roommate. I had no idea.”
Derek said, “It sounds like the beginning of a porno.” (Derek left Against Medical Advice two days later and on Tuesday morning of the next week we received a call from his case worker saying he’d OD’d on fentanyl he thought was dope).
Tony said, “They were yelling at each other, yelling at me. I drove home. A few weeks later, things cooled down. I got to fuck my girlfriend a few more times. I’d go back to Florida again, when I get out. I miss the heat.”