I accidentally posted without being logged in. I noticed a typo or two anyway, so please read this version. Thanks!

I see you, vagabond, bird of passage, rolling in wanderlust, I hear the trumpet sound of longing crash into a siege of hourglasses, together we are a black and white film colorized to suit a wider audience, we are a Do Not Disturb sign cloud-written in the wan, desperate sky; we could be pierced yellow yolks creeping across a frying pan, we could be unsuspecting sparrows flying into sliding glass doors, though how could I ever compare you to a summer’s day? you, who stripped me of a transparent veneer, you who made me immortal then fled, leaving me to bleed out like the red sun melting in the Monterey horizon, but I still see you, in simple things, a glass of water, a wet ring left on the countertop, when I close my eyes, cancer may kill you but loneliness takes your life.

11 Comments

  1. Meg Tuite

    Hi Todd! WOW! This is exquisite to read aloud! The musicality is liquid. And I am in love with a sentence/paragraph that moves the way this one does. So many inimitable images: ‘pierced yellow yolks creeping’ ‘bleed out like the red sun’ and then that last passage: ” but I still see you, in simple things, a glass of water, a wet ring left on the countertop, when I close my eyes, cancer may kill you but loneliness takes your life.”
    It’s powerful, deep emotions, and it all spills through this spectacular sentence. Great work! LOVE!

    • Todd Clay Stuart

      Meg, thank you for the great feedback and encouragement. I always get so much out of your workshops. I think it has something to do with us having such contrasting methods of delivering a story. Your workshops somehow help me crack things open and scrape a little more meat out of my work. Thanks again!

  2. Koss Just Koss

    Beautiful, Todd, the music of it and the high and low notes. And killer last line . . .

  3. Robert Vaughan

    Yes, Todd, there is such musicality throughout this paragraph piece which has aviary touches (as many do today!) I love your sentences which lead from one to another, and the deep, potent emotions that are evoked from reading this over and over, as I have been since you posted it. I like the breathless, one flush feel also, and wonder if you don’t use any middle punctuation, what it might be like? Still, overall, genius and a beauty. Ready to submit!

  4. Aimee Parkison

    Agreeing with comments above–this is so moving! The last line really got to me. Powerful tone and emotional resonance. The voice captivates.

  5. Sara Comito

    Ah, that last line and the title together. I see/I hear/I see/I close my eyes. It’s all evocative and flowing and organic. Beautiful, Todd.

  6. Faye Rapoport DesPres

    I agree with all of the above comments — the musicality, the imagery…the egg yolks (whew) and sparrows (whew again)…and that killer last line! Heart wrenching.

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