The Brady Bunch are carnivorous,
I know because I crawl into the TV
and have dinner with them.
Sometimes they invite my sister, too.
Their sheep dog is also carnivorous
And so is Alice, their cook.
My Mom and Dad are vegetarian.
They are orange vegetarian parents
And even our dog is vegetarian –
Vegetarian, orange, and somewhat shriveled.
We grow vegetables in the backyard
And some other things too.
After dinner, Mom and Dad smoke ganja
And are mellow for the evening.
Sometimes, when we have vegetable
Medley casserole with almonds again,
My sister and I take our plates into the
Living room and sit in front of the TV
Waiting for Alice to give us the signal.
When she finally notices us, we leave
Our vegetable plates behind and sit
Down on two brown folding chairs with
The Bradys, ripping porkchops from
Their bones, gnawing on the fat.
We ask for raw hamburger for dessert
And sometimes we get it.
Koss (they/them/she) is a queer writer and artist. Recent and forthcoming publications include Diode Poetry, Up the Staircase Quarterly, South Florida Poetry Journal, San Pedro River Review, Schuylkill Valley Journal, Sinister Wisdom, and Westchester Review. She also has work in Best Small Fictions 2020 and Kissing Dynamite’s Punk Anthology. Koss won the 2021 Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Award with “My Therapist Sez” and received BOTN nominates in 2021 for fiction (Bending Genres) and poetry (Kissing Dynamite). Keep up with Koss on Twitter @Koss51209969 and Instagram @koss_singular. Her website is http://koss-works.com.