Dear Hunters

by | Mar 20, 2021 | March 2021 A (Day 1)

Congratulations on your coyote killing contest. We are so grateful for the protection you offer us from this dangerous animal who eats fruit, rabbits, moles, and other small vermin. Our hearts flutter at the thought that some might kill a fawn on a hungry spring day, or a weakened adult deer sometime mid-winter. We are so proud of those parking lots filled with coyote bodies. We admire the skill you exhibit in the ancient art of killing.

And we are also so glad you are killing the coyotes instead of us. Afterall, what are your guns for if not for killing something? These wild dogs of the north American continent have no place here. I’m so happy the rabbits, voles, and mice will be able to multiply. They are all so cute. I don’t even mind if they eat my garden or live my attic.

It really irritated me when my neighbor pooh poohed the danger to the deer herd from losing some fawns. He claimed the overall herd size might drop a little in the spring, but by the next year, the size of the herd was the same. And then, you know what this idiot said? Because the coyotes’ prey multiplied so much faster after the big contests, that the coyotes reproduced faster with more offspring. They were even stronger because the food was better. That guy talks so much nonsense. Don’t let those crazy scientists make you feel bad. They don’t even understand how much fun it is to kill.

By the way, I heard that one of you lost a dog to a coyote. That’s so sad. Dogs are so loving. Can’t imagine why anyone would kill a dog.

So thank you for all your kills and I’m so glad you all had a good time,


Betsy Mae Sternheart




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