And Now

Little Red Riding Hood: “fuck him! Where does he get off…” Old Mother Hubbard: “It’s been 48 years since I’ve seen one.” Jack: “That giant was just way too big. Way too big.” Rumpelstiltskin: “I didn’t want that baby anyhow. Babies are boring.” Cinderella: “That ball...

1. Slapstick comedy: An obnoxiously long schlong bit by a tick. 2. Dark comedy: Death by windfallen cow. 3. Self-deprecating humor: A stoned loner quoting his jokes in the mirror. 4. Romantic comedy: A kiss beginning milliseconds before a hailstorm of turtle shells...

Girl A I don’t exist until you jerk me off onto the page. I’m the unreasonably hot bartender/baker/girlfriend with no personality who you don’t appreciate that serves as a mirror of your thoughts, who fulfills your prophecy, your bed as long as I don’t cause any...

A take on several of the prompts -- mainly reinventing an old fairy tale -- in a different form. Travel Journal Day 1 — Arrive. To the delight of my platonic parents, who live in a house decorated by toothpick art. Days 2-5 — Eat, eat, eat, but I stay as tiny as a...

I’m late letting the dog out—have overslept—and rub my eyes more vigorously than one should. Then, from itchy eyes to itchy ears and I’m pinky deep in my left canal, which feels extra great. Satisfied, I want to see what’s accumulated—like how the vet lets the dog...

My mother would lay out my clothes for church: my pink pants, paisley shirt and a white floral ascot which had my favorite elephant clasp. My older brother, Timmy, wore the usual jeans, white shirt and bold navy tie. She wanted us to appear as a couple, like them. I...

1. Louie says dirt is a vegetable and that the government knows all about it. 2. Louie knows the phone book by heart and he’s suspicious why there are so few names that start with X. 3. Louie says every house has a buyer, but not every buyer has a house. 4. Louie says...

Get a red car. Why? Red cars pop. They look good up close and from a distance. Show me a person who doesn’t love seeing a tiny red car from their airplane window. Don’t red cars cost more to insure? Everyone at the airplane window would know about my raised rates....

I’ve never seen this photo before. It was at the bottom of a pile of photos mom had asked me to sort. She was sitting at the kitchen table, chain smoking while I was going through them all, trying to put them in chronological order. On the photo I just found, she was...

[Wrote a much longer piece using the deadpan prompt, but will need to edit significantly. Here are some tinier ones made using the noun generator prompt. So fun!] | Pen Pals | I mail you a homemade arrangement of successes. You mail me back a wrapped box of...

1. Your readers will assume every fiction is non-fiction about you. Readers believe your daydreams are full of dishes, laundry and blowing your husband so he doesn’t leave you and your two German Shepherds. You are merely a stenographer, a husk with no inner life....

I hear mother’s deep voice from the hallway, Silent Night, offkey, drunken sailor style and of course I know what that means. Dad and I are sitting in the dining room, dirty plates and empty glasses in front of us. He is staring at the ceiling as if it were the roof...

Hmm. Tay’s nipple is there. They both are, yes they are, but Tay’s areolae, the mocha-colored parts are gone — like they shrunk back into Tay’s rib cage. Maybe some greedy plastic surgeon snuck in — Tay always left the window open to smell the scent of the blooming,...

Queer I'd never been struck by lightning. Mom and grandma were circulatory psychics who read blood coursing through one's veins. Touch on those spidery blue wisps running up the inner arms transformed any future into a switchblade of . Matriarchy eyelids fluttered,...

In 2016, when Penelope retired, she saw an online ad for Under-the-Radar Geological Wonders Most People Have Never Heard Of. She’d just come into a hefty ton of money when her cardiologist husband fell off a Vail chairlift after a heavy lunch of Harvey Wallbangers....

Gluck says it’s an apple and I say no. I say no even though it’s clearly an apple. Red and round and I’m dying to take a bite. Gluck is a fuck, I tell myself in my head. Good one, I think. I do realize the consequence of arguing with Gluck. He’s bigger than me. More...

Hello! You may notice that this part of the workshop looks a little different. Here are the two things you need to know: 1. All of the day 1 and day 2 posts now appear chronologically on the same page rather than being split into two separate pages. 2. If you run into...