A pink haze of fur
further from home than a girl should go
calling her own whots and nots
bubbling the past,
it was a good time.
paint the way
shades the shades.
striped vertical hold gone wrangler
Gone punk raving mad red alternate universe
what might happen
ALL SHADES OF PINK SMOKE IN A TAKE OUT BIN
A pink haze of fur
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With “A pink haze of fur” I was instantly locked in and hooked and interested. “Bubbling the past” is a great phrase. “gone wrangler / gone red”, too.
This is such a dizzying poem (in a good way) because so much is happening and it’s often fragmentary and disjointed. I think you should lean in to that even more and remove the commas and periods so there’s no new sentences/capitalizations and is instead a kind of free-flowing word soup. It forces you to read slowly and soak in the vividness. Great title, too.
Thank you so much. Look forward to revising with your suggestions.
Sheree, this is really enigmatic in the best of ways. Playful, spare, and a bit sinister in how it appears to point outside itself. Just my take. It lingers.
I love the thought of all of that going on, thank you!
A pink haze of fur has to be your next band name! Love this! And yes to getting rid of commas and periods and rocking the reader through a wild ride! Outstanding! LOVE!
Ha, I love that and yes, striking the periods/commas, can’t wait!
“Calling her own whots and nots” is such a great line!
This is a wonderfully strange and lyrical piece, and I think you should keep playing with it!
I love the title and “shades the shades” resonated with me, those small moments when a further, incidental shadow is cast on what you are trying to keep out (though this reading is a little more in line with “shade the shades”). the first line, and this “further from home than a girl should go,” set the table for me, the striking out against those strictures. i think you could keep developing this even more.
but i am there with you, (posted before adding that!)
Thanks so much.